Look at that ‘stache.
I refuse to talk about anything else. Why, Carpenter?
If only Brendan Ryan’s ‘stache could bring in some damn runs.
Nominate 2009 Cardinals for ‘Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year’
I received the following email this morning from the American Mustache Institute. They seem a little disappointed in me and you and we should all be ashamed of ourselves. It’s time to take action.
Ankiel Mustache People,
We must say we are a bit surprised that you have not nominated one Cardinals player for the “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year” honor. Clearly, the team could be a candidate as it used the mustache to move into first place. Then, Ankiel proved the power as his average was far higher with a labia sebucula (latin for “lip sweater”). And what of Brendan Ryan? He had little career to speak of prior to growing a mustache.
You can nominate anyone for the honor here: http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/MustacheAmericanOfYear.aspx
Carry on.
The American Mustache Institute
(877) STACHE-1
Online: http://AmericanMustacheInstitute.org
Twitter: http://twitter.com/MustacheTalk
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AmericanMustacheInstitute
As a supporter of the American Mustache Institute, I pledge to:
• Lobby the administration of President Barack Obama, asking him to grow a mustache during his first term to demonstrate solidarity with people of Mustached American descent.
• Applaud any Mustached American as they walk past me on the street.
• Castigate clean shaven mortals and remind them that their bare-lipped appearance is a sign of weakness and communism.
• Dislike all things associated with Dave Navarro.
• Continue my mustache growth in the extremely rare case that it causes significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large.
• Never own a cat or watch “Sex And The City.”
• Discriminate only against those with chin coverage (i.e. beards, goatees) as those forms of facial hair represent the “spousal compromise.”
• Distrust clean-shaven officers of the law, and if approached by a mustache-free constable, dial 911 and proceed to a nearby police station, where a squadron of heavily mustached officers will greet me with open arms.
• Consider the environment before shaving my mustache.
• Never forget that every time a mustache is shaved an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth.
AMI Disclaimer: AMI supports healthy, performance enhancing-free mustaches that contain no pesticides. While the vast majority of mustache wearers have highly positive responses from friends, exotic dancers and grade school teachers, mustaches should be worn at your own risk, understanding that AMI is not responsible for mustaches that make men look like child molesters or Dave Navarro. Wearing a “Dictator” mustache may lead to repeated beatings, and women are encouraged to avoid wearing mustaches if looking for male companionship or hoping to find employment outside of waste collection. If a mustache causes you to have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor, spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro. In extremely rare cases, mustaches may cause significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large. Consult a physician before exploring your personal mustache capabilities, as premature mustache growth may lead to feelings of despair and depression.
*This was NOT sent from a Blackberry, as mustached Americans neither own, nor have the ability, to operate Blackberrys.
I have no comment on this, but it should be noted that Brendan Ryan is a much more popular google image search lately.
Also, Cardinals teammates have still not decided how to break it to Brendan Ryan that Reno 911! has in fact, been cancelled.
